Saturday, June 7, 2008

Things that I don't see anymore, possibly due to Government cover-ups.

For reasons unknown, i've decided to compile a short list of things that i never see around anymore and would like to see more of in the future.


The first one is marbles. How come no one plays fucking marbles anymore?

Yo-yo's, namely the Duncan butterfly. I haven't seen one of these things for a good decade and neither have you. I remember being so good at yo-yo's that i didn't use my arms for a whole month.

Basketball cards anybody? Don't even try and tell me this image of a fresh 1993-1994 pack of upper decks doesn't fuck with your feelings. This was the fad that defined your status not only as a collector, but a human being. I want to know when basketball cards ended and smoking rocks started.

Speaking of smoking rocks, here is a troll doll. These things were hot for a minute, but have since dissapeared into the depths of garage sales and creepy google collector pages worldwide. I don't necessarily want these to come back, but i'd like to know what's being done with the corpses.



Fuck your Wii, your Xbox 360 and your Playstation 3. This is the future of video games. Eight buttons, a d-pad and you were ready to go. No vibrating functions, no double dildo joysticks, no hanging out on the internet with some big gay nerd from wisconsin that probably has your display picture posted all over his bedroom with hopes of maybe meeting you one day and possibly copulating.

Where the fuck did these go? Two words, digestive climax.
Why would you take this off the shelf and replace it with a stronger version of salt and vinegar? People don't buy salt and vinegar, it just seems that way because whenever you go to someone's house it's the only flavour they ever seem to have so you end up eating them because it's all that's on offer and you regret it immediately once your tongue starts bleeding.

The lift ad with the hypnotic yellow and blue swirling? Remember the feeling you'd get if you happened to have a lift can in your house when this ad came on? That can't be beat by anything. Cool tang doritos? Another genius concept cast aside by the bread and butter public.
Savage Garden?
Remember the film clip where Daniel rubs up against the other guy and you can pretty much see the erection in his pants? What happened to those guys?
What happened to civilisation?

2 comments:

chronicles of ridic said...

fucking word. atomic tomato chips were so good i felt it necessary to comment on a blog written by some one i don't even know.
sometimes i mix barbeque and salt and vinegar together in an attempt to recapture the much missed atomic tomato taste, but i only end up feeling more empty and lost inside.

Benjamin said...

Dipping barbeque samboy's in tomato sauce will produce similar feelings of dissapointment.

I tried to look at your blog, but i only made blogger.com angry.